Supporting the child during the separation

 

Recent research demonstrates that it's not separation per say which has negative impact on the childs' development but chronic parental conflict! The longer parental conflict continues and the greater the tension between the parents, the greater the likelihood that psychological difficulties will result for children such as emotional and behavior problems, anxiety, depression, sleep problems, low self-esteem, school problems and a number of other difficulties

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One of the many challenges the child faces during and post separation, is not being

able to return to the more traditional family life like it was before the separation.

This false hope may persist for years, with the child taking it upon his/herself

the objective of getting his/her parents back together,which in spite of the

child's sacrifices is bound to fail.

 

Adapting to a family's new coparenting lifestyle is possible if parents provide

the child with the appropriate support. This support begins with the parent's

behavior in three key principles;

• Respecting your child’s feelings and thoughts.

• Respecting your child’s ideas and contributions.

• Listening when your child talks

 

The ease with which the child will be able to adapt to the separation depends on the parents' ability to exclude the child from the marital conflicts and the personal resources they provide the child to complete this significant family transformation.

 

 

To help the child during the separation

 

• reassure the child of your love and the love of the other parent;

• ensure the child understands he/she is not responsible for the separation;

• skillfully help the child accept that the separation will be final - that you will not be getting back together - accepting with understanding and compassion the child's expression of feelings of anger, fear or sadness;

• maintaining as best as is possible the child's lifestyle - with regularity and continuity helping the child to adjust to the family's transformation